I get in on time(!) and can't see the register through the crowd of shopping imbeciles shouting about tee shirts. My DM was there and a manager from a store that hasn't opened yet, so we weren't totally screwed for help. We've had an orgy of no-notice resignations and are officially boned, staffwise.

Anyway, I couldn't take a break after they left, so I sent Knuckes the Brat to the fake Chinese place for white rice and an iced tea. We got so busy I coudn't touch it for half an hour. Finally it slowed down enough to eat, so I left Knuckles, MeowGirl, and the Enigma on the salesfloor and ducked in back to eat my 3rd world banquet. And was informed that there was no soy sauce to be had. And no iced tea. So I'm choking down dry plain white rice with no beverage and I'm forced to drink tap water. Mall tap water. Waterford Mall tap water. Huhhngnn..

My favorite customer was Two Minute Return Guy. He bought sunglasses and then decided he picked the wrong ones and needed to exchange them. Now, diferent stock numbers, I need to do some paperwork so my inventory isn't fucked up. I need information from him like his name and address. every question was met with "huh"?

Name?

Huh?

Name.

Oh. Johny McReturnsshit

Address?

huh?

ADDRESS, MUTHA FUCKA! WERE DO YOU LIVE?

Oh, 14 Dopehead street.

City?

Huh?

THE CITY, THE TOWN, STEAMING SHITHOLE FROM WHENCE YOU CAME! IF YOU LEFT HOME AND DROVE OUT OF TOWN, THE SIGN WOULD SAY "You are now leaving.." WHERE? God damn it! This isn't that hard!

Of course we have Quiet Drunk Dad who was there to sign the check, White Trash Mullet Mom, Disapproving Grandma who blames me for Lisa's weirdness, and the everpresent "Is this on sale?" Lady.

Is this on sale?

No. All pants are $10 off and our rock shirts are buy 1, get 1 1/2 off.

Is this on sale?

No. That's a dress. It is neither a rock shirt nor pants.

Is this on sale?

No, that's a shower curtain. Not on sale.

Is this on sale?

No. We don't even sell that. What the fuck is that?

Then we finally leave and MeowGirl runs off to the parking lot. I talk to the security gaurd for a few minutes and head outside. Meow's bright yellow car is still there, with nobody in it. Go figure. I hop in my car and hit the highway. I get two exits and turn back. I'm concerned for MeowGirl. With all the Ding Danggety Hee Haw shit going on, I can totally imaging some backwoods chainsaw cannibal cruising the mall for takeout. I get back to the mall and her car is still there, no Meow in sight. Then I notice the car at the end or the lot with the steamed up windows and remember her cell phone blowing up before we left the store. Ahah! I get it. Classy.

Vacation in two weeks! Fuckers!